Retro Spins: Bonnie Tyler - Secret Dreams And Forbidden Fire

 

Leaping over 1983's Faster Than The Speed Of Night, which I've already done a Retro Spin on, today, I come to 1986's Secret Dreams And Forbidden Fire. While it's Bonnie Tyler's sixth studio album to date, it was only her second with Columbia, having left RCA after releasing 1981's Goodbye To The Island.

Many tracks that would encompass the album would come from Tyler continuing to work with Jim Steinman between 1983 and 1986. It's during these sessions that the song, Holding Out For A Hero would be recorded, and contributed to the 1984 Kevin Bacon film, Footloose. As such, it's a bit odd that it would get dusted off and added to her studio album two years later. At that point, it was more than readily available on that soundtrack and had candidly run its course.

Steinman in turn recruited Desmond Child to assist with writing tracks, and in doing so, made a very specific request for one song. He wanted a song about androgyny. The verses have to sound like Tina Turner, the B Section has to sound like The Police, U2, or Hall & Oates, and the chorus has to sound like Bruce Springsteen. The directive spawned the song, If You Were A Woman (And I Was A Man). The album would also include the track, Ravishing, which Steinman originally wrote and contributed as Hulk Hogan's theme for the World Wrestling Federation compilation album released in 1985, appropriately titled, The Wrestling Album.

Upon its release, it received very mixed reviews, with most negativity being directed towards Jim Steinman. Some critics were just flat out rude about it, such as Steven Wine, who stated, "Only Bonnie Tyler's parents would want to listen to her sing the same song for six minutes, but three of the eight tunes on [the album] exceed that span." He'd go on to say the album was a, "bombastic bore."

Things didn't settle down from there. Tom Ford stated that "although Tyler proves able to do some interesting things, she is outdistanced by the tiresome ponderousness of the material," concluding that "the prissy, self-indulgence here is just too much to stand." Meanwhile, Paul Speelman opined that Tyler and Steinman were "deeply entrenched in a rut," and found the music to be excessive. He would say, "There are banks of synthesizers, layers of percussion, dramatic electronic gimmickry and huge production: no wonder poor old Bonnie had to yell to be heard above that lot."

Say what you will, the music video for If You Were A Woman, And I Was A Man is an absolute 80's banger! I mean, come on. There's a guy in full shoulder pads, and head gear playing a violin that eventually starts smoking. It makes absolutely no sense, but at the same time, it makes complete sense. It's the 80's, baby!

On that note, let's dive right in!

First and foremost, what you listen to depends on which version you buy. The original vinyl featured eight tracks, which were also included on the CD and cassette releases. However, the CD includes one additional track, Before This Night Is Through. The cassette version includes all nine of these songs, plus Under Suspicion.

Right here is where I'm going to get potentially controversial for Bonnie Tyler fans.

Yes, the CD and vinyl formats had the most restriction back then, in terms of runtime. It's because of this that there are not only omitted track, as noted above, but many of the songs vary in run times from version to version. The best example of this is Loving You Is A Dirty Job (But Somebody's Got To Do It). On the vinyl, this track is seven minutes twenty-eight seconds. On CD, it's seven minutes forty-seven seconds, and on cassette, it's seven minutes forty-nine seconds. I would argue that finding a standard runtime for songs, probably the shorter versions, and omitting the 1984 track, Holding Out For A Hero, would have allowed for the remaining nine tracks to fit on all three formats. It just doesn't make sense to have this varying degree of alternate versions.

Further, I will echo what the critics said, the runtime of a lot of songs is way bloated. You just don't need a seven-minute Bonnie Tyler song. Her tunes should be to the point, and radio edit friendly. I daresay this is what led to them including Holding Out For A Hero on the album. Without it, there's nothing really to put out there for airwaves to promote the record. But again, its inclusion is unnecessary from being readily available for the prior two years at this point, and let's face it, everyone owned the Footloose soundtrack. Candidly, it's also just lazy to include it.

For me, If You Were a Woman (And I Was a Man), and Rebel Without A Clue are the only two standout tracks. I wanted to like Ravishing, mainly because it did take me back to the 80's of watching WWF on cable. But ultimately, I prefer my version to be from Hulk Hogan's Rockin' Wrestling.

The version on Tyler's album is hindered by two thing. First, the lyrics are dumb. Second, at six minutes twenty to twenty-four seconds (depending on the format you're on) it's too freaking long. That's actually ironic for me to say, since Rebel Without A Clue has a runtime over eight minutes.

Of course, since we're on the subject, if you're down with the Hulkster, and a true Hulkamaniac, then you can't top his true theme, Real American!

Better watch out, Bonnie Tyler, Hulk Hogan is high jacking your post. But actually, that's not a bad thing, as I honestly don't really have anything else to say about Secret Dreams And Forbidden Fire. It's just not that good, and I can understand where the critics came from with this one. Sure, they didn't have to be so mean about the way they put it, but the bottom line is it's bloated, and kind of boring.

Bonnie released one final album in the 80's, 1988's Hide Your Heart, or Notes From America, as it was called when released in the USA. That's where I'll pick up, and subsequently end my journey through her discography.

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