Oh boy. I've been delaying seeing this movie for years, and I really didn't want to sit through it. Then, the coronavirus hit. Boredom set in after three weeks of working from home and self quarantining made anything worth trying.
So here we go. My first viewing of the final Police Academy film.
It starts out a little interesting in premise. The story appears to be one which will parody and revolve around the phenomenon of a Russian video game which has taken the world by storm. An obvious nod to the Tetris craze from 1984.
Just to drill home how much people are hooked on the game, as an American newscaster attempts to report on it, her male co-host enthusiastically plays the game on what appears to be a Nintendo Gameboy. There's just one problem...
...There's no game cartridge in it. Did Warner Bros. really think people from the 80's wouldn't immediately call shenanigans on this missed detail? Not only that, but in the following frames of the film, the game is in full color. Something, as we all know, the original Gameboy was not capable of. Fortunately, the missing cartridge was rectified in later scenes.
The over the top acting in this first scene set the tone that this wasn't going to be a good film.
We're now shown a slew of new cadets training, but there's little to no reason for it. The scene exists merely to set up a dated gag with Commandant Lassard and a basketball parodying his own Larry Bird Vs. Michael Jordan "nothing but net" McDonald's commercial.
Next up, we meet our first new face, Ferris Bueller, 2.0. I mean, I don't know about you guys, but Charlie Schlatter (Cadet Connors) was so great as Bueller in that wonderfully short lived television series (rolling eyes). He wants so badly to convince you he's the new Mahoney...But he's not.
After an introduction that makes you want to punch him in the face, we finally get to hone in on our favorite police officers from the series. Well, some of them. Clearly the bottom of the pot was clanging for the casting in this film with only those actors who's careers went no further from the series appearing. Leslie Easterbrook as Callahan, Michael Winslow as Jones, David Graf as Tackleberry and G.W. Bailey, who they've just pulled through a wall, as Harris.
For some reason, this ragtag group of everyday policemen (and woman), are chosen to go to Moscow to apprehend the villain of the movie, Ron Pearlman, AKA Konali. Why the Russian police couldn't simply take care of this is anyone's guess. His crime, laundering money under the guise of a legitamate business. Again, sounds like a job the Russian police could have easily taken care of.
Jones gets his five minutes of screen time to make silly sound effect, which are neither funny, amusing or intended to advance the story. It's just there to remind us that the character makes noises. We get it.
Oh look! It's that girl from Mallrats. Her acting is as wooden as ever, and she's there strictly to be token love interest of New Mahoney.
Random slapstick and gags ensure, and they're neither funny nor relevant to the story. In fact, no advancement at all seems to be taking place with the exception of these two yokes (above) falling in love. Even this scene is cringe worthy. You can tell "actress" Claire Forlani (Katrina), is forcing every laugh she blurts out during it.
Oddly enough, the film seems to randomly right itself, plot wise. Suddenly the cops are all over tracing Konali down, all of them being staged strategically around a bar. While the scene seemingly turns into nothing more than an opportunity for Callahan to sing a song, it actually turns out to be one of the only amusing scenes in the film. Not laugh out loud, but perhaps chuckle worthy.
It was at this point that I realized Lassard was missing, and I had no clue why or where he had gone. A few scenes later I found that even the bad guys didn't have him, but they did want him. So where was he? And why would Christopher Lee accept a role in this film?
A botched attempt to arrest the main villain, and the film still chugs along. Except now the Russians want the American police to leave...Still not sure why they wanted them there to begin with.
But oh no, now Callahan is grabbed and taken prisoner by the evil Konali...and clad in sexy garb. Hmm...Maybe this movie isn't so bad after all.
Then, all the po...WOW!
Ahem...Then all the police attempt a rescue of their friend. But, just as they burst in, she's already saved herself and gotten dressed.
Of course Konali spilled his guts to her first, and she knows exactly where to find him. The police are off for the final showdown. Somehow the Russian police are also hot on the trail. While it looks like a final arrest has been made, Konali gets away.
Oh look! Lassard! Guess he was just hanging out with a random Russian family.
A final showdown of silliness ensues in a sword fight between Lassard and Konali, and the bad guy is finally arrested.
A speech about brotherhood ensues, the police are commended by the Russians and the end.
Overall, the movie felt hollow. The absence of certain characters from prior installments was definitely a factor. I particularly missed Proctor, Zed and Sweetchuck. It's certainly not the sendoff the series deserved. That ship has long since sailed. But, despite it being progressively worse than the last one, a trend which seemed to be prevalent in the series since part five, it was okay.
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