Retro Spins: Van Halen - Women And Children First

Do you want to know a secret? I don't think Van Halen was ever a "good" band. I think they got lucky with the look, and right sound, at the right moment in an MTV era with their album, 1984. I don't believe that if they hadn't made the drastic change to their music, ala adopting synthesizers, and a mainstream sound, that anyone would be talking about them today.

I say all of that knowing it's all a bunch of bull.

There's no doubt that Van Halen wanted to be stars. I mean, have you heard of any other band who were enroute to meet with their perspective label, only to have their car break down, and literally run down the road to get there? They were hungry, and eager for the chance.

Unfortunately, their deal for two album was heavily in the label's favor, leaving the band a million dollars in debt after touring for their 1978 self-titled debut album. At the time, it was highly regarded as one of the most successful debuts of all time, reaching number nineteen on the Billboard pop music charts.

In the midst of touring, Van Halen returned to the studio for a mere two weeks to complete the tracks for the follow-up, 1979's Van Halen II. It would produce the single, Dance the Night Away, which peaked at number fifteen on the Billboard Hot 100.

The band was a touring machine, never taking more than a two-week break to return to the studio to record more material. There third album, 1980's Women and Children First, continued their trend of platinum selling albums for their label. With it came two more singles, And The Cradle Will Rock..., and Everybody Wants Some!!

Here we pause to dive into that record...er, CD.

And The Cradle Will Rock... kicks things off, delivering pretty much the only tune I knew from the album, and the reason I ended up adding it to my collection.

It's definitely a hard rocking recording, and the sound I pretty much expected from post synth Van Halen. I mean, while I haven't listened to the album from start to finish, I'm no stranger to their music.

With that said, the only other track from the whole thing that grabbed my attention was the unique, I guess we can even call it odd, ditty, Could This Be Magic? In the grand scheme of things, it's way out of place among the other louder tracks. It kind of reminds me of that cooky style than Roth was known for.

Not a bad album overall, but definitely not many hits to get excited about. Despite my sarcastic opener to this post, I can understand why Van Halen quickly boomed into popularity in such a short period. While they're not my favorite of all time, I respect what they contributed to the 70's, 80's, and early 90's. Personally, I checked out after For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge. So, I can't attest to what they've done since.

But we're far from there. Our next stop is 1981's Fair Warning.

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Comics Corner: Secret Wars II 3

   

Title: Secret Wars II
Issue Number: 3
Release Date: September 1985

Highlights

• First appearance of Toots, Vinnie Corbo, Millie Shuriff, Laverne "Smurfette" Lacy, Chulo, Eliot, Luigi, Mushnik, Gina, and Beyonder in his form as Frank
• An officer approaches a sleeping Beyonder leaning against a street sign, and tells him to show him some ID, instead, Beyonder shows him his realm, sending the cop stumbling off
• Beyonder comes across a lady of the night, and when she propositions him to get a room, informing him he needs money, he creates a gold bar out of thin air, which startles her
• Beyonder vanishes into thin air, reappearing at the hotel he was told to get a room at, and does indeed do so
• Beyonder is awoken by a gangster (Vinnie), with his bodyguard (Smurfette), his bookkeeper (Millie), Chulo (the pimp), and his girl Toots, which is the same woman Beyonder met earlier
• Vinnie asks Beyonder about the gold bar he made, and then asks him to tell him his story, Beyonder does
• Reference is made to Marvel Super Heroes Secret Wars, Secret Wars II 1, 2, and Transformers 9
• Vinnie tells Beyonder he can help him with his quest, but tells him to first get some sleep
• Vinnie posts guards at the door to his room, and leaves Toots to take care of him
• The next day, Vinnie and Toots take Beyonder out, and teach him the joys of eating, and then, they put him in a bed with a lot of girls to learn...other stuff
• Vinne gets Beyonder a new set of clothes, making reference to both Duran Duran and ZZ Top, and then later on to Michael Jackson - Sweet!
• Beyonder helps Vinnie by dealing with a rival gang, and then "cleaning" his ladies of the night of their "ailments"
  
• Vinnie also gets Beyonder to make him a small pile of gold, cure the Dyslexia of his daughter, and make his fat wife thin
• Vinnie teaches Beyonder about gambling, and how winning all the time takes the fun out of it
• Beyonder is soon living a life of luxury, while doing dirty work for Vinnie
• Beyonder runs into Toots, and when he leaves, she says to herself that she loves him
• Vinnie tells Beyonder he's taught him all he can, and it's time for him to get out on his own, and see what he can do
• Beyonder gets fat, but when he senses the girls surrounding him don't like it, he dissolves it, and puts his muscle back in place
• Beyonder visits Kingpin, and using his powers, takes over, demanding 90% of the Kingpin's take, to which he can't resist agreeing to
• Not satisfied, Beyonder's next stop is the White House, where he takes over the country
• Beyonder feels this still isn't enough, and sets his sights on taking over the entire world, taking over every creature, bacteria, and molecule - save for one
• Molecule Man is unaffected by Beyonder's control, and even removes his grasp from his girlfriend, Volcana
• Despite his control over (almost) everything, Beyonder remains desirable of something, but doesn't know what
• Beyonder visits Vinnie, and asks why he still deisres when he has everything, but Vinnie can't help him
• Beyonder seeks out Toots, and releases her from his control, she immediately recognizes him, kisses him, and thanks him, telling him that because of what he last said to her, she went and got a respectable job as a waitress, and is working on a new life
• Beyonder decides to release the rest of the world of his controlling grasp, removing from their memories anything about what he had done
• Beyonder goes to Avengers headquarters to inquire about the feeling of gratitude from Toots, only to be told the Avengers are battling the Skrulls
• Beyonder teleports to them, but we don't see the battle, instead, he is instantly back in New York stating that he really messed that up
• Beyonder decides his next to stop is to see Matt Murdock

Low Points

• It's a charming story, but not one with any sort of action, or real stakes
• To get the full story, one would need to next read Daredevil 223, Hulk 312, and Avengers 260, the latter fills in the gaps of the battle with the Skrull noted above
• No Spider-Man

Oddities

• None

Rating (based on a 1 through 5 Stans grading system)

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Retro Spins: U2 - Rattle And Hum

For their final entry into the 80's, U2 set to task to create a hybrid live / studio album, which in turn would be accompanied by a rockumentary film. While the band intended the project to be a tribute to many of the legacy artists who came before them, the band were accused by some of trying to place themselves amongst the ranks of such artists.

In total, nine studio tracks would be recorded, and mixed within them would be live songs recorded from several shows, including Denver's McNichols Sports Arena, Tempe, Arizona's Sun Devil Stadium, "Save the Yuppie Free Concert" in San Francisco, and Madison Square Garden, New York. For the film, the Denver shows were represented in black and white, while Arizona in color.

Upon its release, critics were split, and those against it were not kind. While some stated U2 were making a deliberate and pretentious attempt at rock and roll renown. Things didn't get much better, or nicer from there. From the perspective of multiple reviewers, it was called a mess, disjointed, stylistically confused, lacking cohesion, U2's self-celebrated ascension into pop history books, flat out awful, and probably the best for last, stated that Rattle And Hum just prattles and numbs.

To be fair, not everyone hated it. However, as it usually goes, the most critical are the loudest. The critics also didn't hinder album sales, with Rattle And Hum becoming another platinum seller for the band. It would also become the first double album to reach number one in the USA since Bruce Springsteen's The River in 1980 and would also reach number one in the UK and Australia.

As for me, I have to agree with the harsher critics. Specifically, in that it feels like there's no direction to the album. It's consistent jumping back and forth between live tracks and studio cuts makes it difficult to get into a rhythm with it all. Perhaps the better approach would have been to relegate the studio tracks to one platter, with the live portions being on another. This separation would have perhaps helped everything flow better.

I won't pan it fully, though. It's not without its hits, such as Desire, and Angel Of Harlem. However, wading through almost seventy-five minutes of music to find seven minutes of good stuff isn't really conducive or appealing.

Overall, the biggest fault I have with Rattle And Hum is that it's just too bloated, and unfocused. Again, separating the live from the studio may have helped to fix this. I don't know, it just feels like a poor note for U2 to end the 80's on, but ultimately, it's no surprise. Like I said from the very beginning, I was never a big fan, or I suppose fan at all, of them.

Obviously, my opinion on the subject isn't the end all be all, and U2's popularity only continued to soar. They released six albums between 1991 and 2009, all of them becoming multiplatinum sellers. It was only with 2014's Songs of Innocence, that sales would vastly plummet. However, we were also in a digital era at this point, so it's difficult to say that their popularity waned, so much as the general population was consuming music differently.

U2 continues to tour, showing no signs of slowing down. As of this writing, November 2025, the band was also working on material for a new studio album, tentatively slated for 2026.

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